| HOME |
ABOUT POSTNATAL DEPRESSION
New mothers don’t always find it easy to ask for professional help.
Some try to convince themselves that all new mothers feel like they do: ‘Isn’t it normal to feel like this?’ Given all the lifestyle adjustments she has to make after the birth of a first baby, it is hard for a new mother to know how she should feel, what is ‘normal’, and what isn’t. Some women who have PND don’t seek help because they believe that how they feel is ‘normal’ for a new mother, and that most other new mothers feel like they do. Few see that what they have is a condition that can be treated. A woman who experiences PND only after a second or subsequent baby often finds it easier to recognise that something is wrong, because she knows how ‘normal’ feels, and knows when she feels ‘different’.
Some blame themselves for how they feel: ‘I just thought I was hopeless’. Some women are sure that what they see as their own inadequacies are the cause of their problems. These women think that other mothers manage better than they do, and some convince themselves they were not meant to be a mother.
Some blame other things for how they feel: ‘I guess I needed something to blame’. Many new mothers, especially in the early weeks after birth, fail to see that they need professional help because they convince themselves they have good, objective reasons for feeling as they do. Exhaustion, lack of support, relationship problems, financial difficulties, problems with the baby, even weight gain, can all be blamed for how they feel.
Others don’t want family and friends to see that they are not coping: ‘How could I admit I couldn’t cope?’ New mothers feel under a lot of pressure, from family and friends and the media, to excel at motherhood. Most people have high expectations of new mothers, and often underestimate the impact a baby can have. New mothers are expected to be delighted with their baby, and assume their new responsibilities with enthusiasm and little fuss. Every day, on TV and in magazines, we see images of the perfect mother, and it is these images, rather than reality, that colour new mothers’ expectations. Many expect to bond instantly with their newborn, and expect that motherhood will be instinctive and enjoyable. It is hardly surprising, then, that rather than seek help, and so admit they are ‘not coping’, many new mothers who have PND ‘pretend to cope’, and hide how they feel.
Some tell themselves, ‘tomorrow will be better’. Some women recognise that ‘something is wrong’, but instead of asking for help they persuade themselves that in time they will feel ‘normal’ again. For months they struggle on, believing that, ‘tomorrow, things will be better’.
Some believe there is stigma associated with depression: ‘How would I tell people?’ Some women are reluctant to admit they are depressed, and may need help, because they believe there is stigma associated with depression.
Don’t struggle on alone! It isn’t always easy for new mothers who feel anxious and depressed to admit that something is wrong, and to ask for help, and many struggle on alone for months. Without help, some women who have PND do improve, over a period of months. More often, though, untreated PND gets worse, and untreated PND can affect a woman’s relationship with her partner, her children, and her family and friends, and can develop into chronic depression, which can affect a subsequent pregnancy. If you feel unhappy or anxious after having a baby, don’t struggle on alone, and don’t try to work out yourself what the problem is. Seek professional help, promptly. You will find that a great deal of help is available. A woman’s partner, family and friends might also encourage her to seek professional help.